mimi smartypants

I think my favorite line is, “So I stabbed him in the eye” Go Mimi!

mimi smartypants: “yesterday I was waiting for the self-checkout at Jewel, and it is kind of anarchic there—Jewel-shopper society has not quite used its hive mind to decide whether we are going to make two distinct lines, one behind each set of self-checkout machines, or just form one line and use the ‘whoever’s next’ system. The latter mode was in play, and I was standing behind a man who was kind of off to the side, staring into space, when a self-checkout opened up. He made no move toward it, so I gestured to him and to it, awkwardly, and a few beats later when he was still blankly staring I stepped forward and started for the self-checkout myself. THEN all of a sudden he snaps to attention with, ‘HEY! EXCUSE ME!’

‘Sorry, go ahead,’ I say.
He is still standing there, and now he has an aura of Righteous Indignation coming off of him like body odor. He continues, ‘There is just ONE LINE. I believe I WAS NEXT.’
‘Please, go ahead,’ I say. Again. ‘I just thought…’

So I stabbed him in the eye with the corner of my Amy’s Soy Cheese Pizza In A Pocket Sandwich box. Why must there be so much ugliness in the world? Why can’t there be more tolerance, more civility, and more bleeding eyeballs for the people who think that the world must be out to get them, who sense disrespect lurking around every corner, and who always choose to preempt the merest hint of Being Wronged with a histrionic freak-out?”

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